Blithley Nosh

Hmmm... I really don't like this as much as the prologue. The style just seems the tiniest bit off, and there are a few quirks in the text that have ...

So, it is much better than the last three. I like how it's written from Kaden's POV rather than the narrators. It caught my attention, or "Got me hooked" right ...

I think that the overall effect of the poem is pretty good, but there's a little bit of obscurity when it comes down to the ideas (is that a trend?). ...

First, I sang it Second, the second verse is really obscure. What does lightning and clouds have to do with being yourself? The first verse dwarfs the second, and it ...

I definitely think you could be a little more daring with your choice of words. Get a thesaurus. Look up new words. Expand your vocabulary! Otherwise things just seem a ...

I probably have no say in this (I've read through chapter four of the old version), but personally I found the first prologue to be a little more suited to ...

Not to repeat what everyone else said, but from your words I can totally see the street and the playground with all the little children, and the little girl clinging ...

I think you've got something here... but there's too little to say. Try showing the story, and not telling. The ships were some of the older models maybe 3054 or ...

Personally, I found the story to be to abrupt, moving from one topic to another too quickly and with too little detail. Also, there seems to be a serious lack ...